Not Just Music Podcast Episode 67 ft Duan & Q "Male Insight"

0:00 Yo Q what up? Man I'm keeping it real what up Duan? Welcome to not just music where we keep it real and honest always all right what's going on everybody what do I bring up from not just music podcast I'm going to book Klaycee Murdoch Klaycee Murdoch in the building yes, Nancy hate that how's everything man? everything good we here everything good man blessings blessings man coming down to the end of the year man It's been a great year.

0:50 It has. A lot of things have been achieved. A lot of goals, a lot of trials, a lot of ups and downs. But we here, we made it, man. A lot of grace from God. So we are in a new season of, as I said, this is the holiday season, last episode. OK? Yeah. I'm going to introduce something, and I'm going to... I've been thinking about it for a long time. OK, talk soon. What do you feel about males, basically what we call male bonding?

1:34 How effective do you feel male bonding is in this year of 2023, moving forward, not backwards? How important do you feel males, that we're not talking about on no funny, nothing... You talking about brotherhood. Brotherhood, period. You don't have nothing to do with being gay. You don't have nothing to do with being anything. It's not pointing out anything. I get where you're coming from. It's just brothers coming together on a level of understanding, meeting up, and getting to express things and talk about things. I'm going to hit them deep with this one. I feel like it's growing.

2:15 And the reason why I feel like it's growing is because these women, these women, you see it, man. I mean, the sexy reds in the world, like the behavior of some of these city girls. Men are having to get on their game now. They can't run to the woman to talk now. They got to run to the men, their brothers. Bro, you see that? I was just, I seen something online. They were talking about how this female new rap is very toxic, you know what I'm saying, to the females. And then somebody had posted, nah, gangster rap was more toxic than this.

2:57 And I had to think about it. I said, nah, we ain't really never seen nothing like this before, these ladies and what they pushing and the genders. The gangster rap, people that were listening to it wasn't really, some of them weren't gangsta. They was just listening to it. These women are actually living what these women are saying in these songs, you know what I'm saying, and living by their code. So it's pushing the men away, and they having to go to the men now, their brothers now, and talk. You know what I'm saying? So I'm sorry, I gave you the wrong answer. No, no, no, no, no. So that's a good thing, right? So do you feel that it will be a thing of, let me get, let's get an example, like you just said, right?

3:45 So with females and things of that nature, right? Yeah. I don't think it's per se to, you're not speaking in the case of saying even to just the bastard females, right? No, I'm not saying that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm going to give you an example. But can I say something real quick? Because I feel like men were too, what happened was men became too reliable on the female. They became too reliable on the woman to where now that the woman is acting this way, and I don't need an N.I., you know what I'm saying? I get my own money. Now it's like the man can't rely on her. So who does he go to now? The rely to, the talk to.

4:26 So now he going back to his brothers, going back to the men, you know what I'm saying? Because now men are feeling the pressure. What we were doing, some of them, I'm not going to say all men, but what most of all men, when we was dogging these women out, you know what I'm saying? We was OK. But now women doing the same thing to us now. So it's like we don't know how to take it majority of the time. So we ain't going to sit there and just take it. Like majority women will, you know what I'm saying? Put up with it. So I feel like that's why they're talking. They're more closer to men now, and they talk to men now because they have no choice.

5:09 Yeah, but yeah. I think a lot of these men need guidance. One in one, yes, relationships. Since we can't always meet with men, what's something that you would give? And I'm trying to be very detailed here. What would you give a struggling man in a position of, like, it's got to be a man. Let's say a young boy out here right now, right? He's growing up in a position where he's a single mom, right? Dad ain't there.

5:50 This is something you can relate to. So what's the likes of opportunity that they'll be successful? What would you tell them? What's the success story that you would give them to make it a thing of they're going to make it, they will be prosperous? What would you tell them? The success story is there's going to be some trials along the way. You got to just be ready for them. You got to take the bumps in the road, and you got to learn how to get up and adjust to it. So I want to prepare you for that. There's going to be times where you feel uncomfortable.

6:31 There's going to be times you feel undefeated. But that ain't doing nothing but building character and building power and strength within you. So don't be scared to go through those trials and tribulations. Don't be scared to mess up. Don't be scared to fall on your face. Get back up, learn from it. And I'm telling you all this, and I put it in my movie. You will see. I learned from a lot of stuff. So to get to the top, you're going to have to start. Sometimes you might have to get knocked down to the bottom. Yes, sir. No, no, no, no. Ain't nothing worth having going to come easy without trial.

7:12 You know what I'm saying? I haven't seen nothing that came easy and was worth having. That didn't come with trials and tribulations. So man, you're going to have to be able to go through the fire and deal with something. And if you don't have to go through it, don't. I'm not saying go out here and make dumb decisions and dumb choices. But what I'm saying is live your life, but know your tensions are good. You might slip up here and there. But the thing of it is learning from it and getting back up. So that's my ingredients for success. You know what I'm saying? Learn from everything and bounce back. And remember, this was going to let's get a little, let me get you, let's ask you a question.

7:58 OK, with this holiday season coming, what's the advantages of not, what's the advantage, excuse me, what's the disadvantage of not having both parents during this time of the year? I mean, when I was younger, my situation, I don't feel like I really felt the effect, because I had loving grandparents for one. I had a loving mom, a caring mom. And I didn't need for nothing.

8:39 So I wasn't worried about a father, because I had the joy, I had the haircut all the time. I had. So I didn't have time to sit there and be like, well, my dad ain't here. I didn't deal with that. It wasn't until I got older I felt the effect. When I was a child, I was good. I didn't feel it. But once you get older, and I think that's when it really hits me, when they get older. When you're a child, you just, you're seeing these gifts, you're seeing something under the Christmas tree every Christmas, so you're not complaining. But it's when you get older, and you start realizing, like, dang, me not having a father, I lack in this.

9:20 I'm insecure in this way. This affected me this way. That's when it really hits you. But yeah, I think for men, I think if you're young, it really won't affect you. If you're older, a little bit older, and understand it may affect you. But just always try to look at it, and always remember you're not the reason why. You're not the wrong and the wrong. You're not the reason your dad left. So don't beat yourself up. And just try to look at the bright side. And try to be a better man than your father is. A better father when you become one, than your father was.

10:02 And learn to forgive. You know what I'm saying? And realize men, parents are not perfect. I know it's hard to say. I'm not making excuses for deadbeats. But we're human. Everybody has feelings. I have feelings. The one has feelings. We're not perfect. There's plenty of times I'm sure we want to throw in the towel. We human. You know what I'm saying? But the thing of it is we always get steered back in the right direction. So try to be relatable. Try to understand. Understanding is important.

10:43 You know what I'm saying? So one thing I want to say. And this goes to, I want to hear what you guys say, bro. Those who do have two parents and very much have the parents active in their lives, know that this is one thing I've always experienced, because I've always had my parents. But this is one thing I want those of you that do have your parents to realize. There is a point where they cannot be here forever. That's one thing I see as a struggle for those kids that grow up in those households where both parents are available.

11:36 They don't ever have to move for anything. But if their parents are gone, that creates the struggle right there. I like how you showing both effects. Because I've seen people have, and this is a very true story, I've seen people who've had both parents their whole entire life. And then when mama died, bro, or even the other way around, when daddy died, it derailed them. Took them out of commission for being realistic to being a human, because you're human.

12:17 You're only allowed to be here a certain amount of time. But for those that don't have both parents in their lives, I think they adapt to it a lot quicker, because they're already used to that one parent not being there, not being available to them. So for what I feel about it is, hope and praying, faith, and being patient with God and things of that nature really play a big role in being a human being, whether if you have or if you don't have. Just as you hear Q speak on things that were from a mindset of basically they're almost lined up, it's just there's different ways of looking at it.

13:06 You're going to have hard points in your life. You're going to have hard times in your life, whether you have both parents or you have one parents or you don't have parents at all. You will experience something in your life. You're going to experience hard times. Just because you have both parents don't mean you promised anything. Exactly. Just because you have one parent don't mean you promised anything. Just because you don't have parents at all doesn't mean you promised anything. Especially in today's world, man. The way the economy is and the way the world is, how crazy it is. Bro, ain't nobody spared, man. Ain't nothing spared. You see it? You see it? Man, look, man. No, man. And this is all fair. This is all fairness to those that are listening.

13:49 Never take for granted your peace of mind. Never take for granted your mindset. Because you can go a long way with having the right mindset. If you got the jacked up mindset and it's not growing, you're probably not going to get too far. Period. But if you got a, if your parent, look, think about it like this. Just because you got both your parents, oh, I'm supposed to have everything. I got it, I ain't no, what, hey, I've known people who have both parents and both parents, just because the child didn't have a drive, they let the child, I mean, they didn't give the child everything they wanted because they felt like they weren't driven. Because they felt like they was supposed to be given.

14:29 Not driven, given. Which one? I want to be given in the case of because I'm driven. I don't want to be given just because of, I don't know. I want my work. That's what I want to be rewarded for, my work. What's that saying? You want, don't just give me the fish, show me how to fish. You know what I'm saying? And another thing, and single parents tend to be more tough on their kids because they want them to be able, going back to what you saying, they want them to be able to take care of themselves when they're not here. Because they know the other parent is not involved. So if I leave, I'm the main parent. He got, I want him to be able to be able to raise himself.

15:11 So that's how a single parent mindset is majority of the time. So when you got two parents, it might not be as hard like that because it's like, okay, he has his father. Know what I'm saying? So I'm not going to be as too hard on him. He has brothers, he has sisters. But some, like my case, single child, mom was only there. Know what I'm saying? Grandparents are old. So my mom looking at it like, yeah, if I leave, he got to be able to take care of himself. And this is a thing too, where a lot of people fall into slumps about, look, if it's a thing of you got your grandparents, be thankful for your grandparents.

15:56 Absolutely. If it's auntie and uncle, be grateful for them. Like stop being so bitter because the case of mom and daddy ain't there. Don't let that control your life. That will not be who you are or change your character who you are unless you allow it to. You allow it to, yeah, it's going to beat you up. It's going to slap you. It's going to make you feel bad. You're going to be depressed. You're going to be angry. You're going to be pissed off at people. You're going to be crying. You're going to be all those emotional feelings. You're going to be there if you allow that to beat you up. That's why I've been trying to, even though it's going to hurt days after you're going to experience hurt, it's going to come.

16:42 It's just like you said, be ready. Prep your mind so it doesn't tear you down, allow it to hit you and get refocused. Because a lot of us. It's going to hurt though. It's going to hurt. I'm not saying don't have emotions. It's going to hurt. It's going to hurt. But I'm saying I want you to be able to bounce back. Yeah, bounce back. Because some people can't bounce back, bro. And some of them end up going into depression and drugs, killing themselves. And that's the last thing we want to do. We want to uplift. So we trying to have people bounce back. I know it's going to be hard, but fight that thing. Pray about it.

17:22 Keep God first. Yeah. Another topic that here, man. I've recognized something when it comes to growth and development. Your growth really, really, really depends on. And this is due to knowing. Because of years of being a human being myself, what you've experienced usually is always going to be what the outcome is of who you are, right? So this is what I hate, though.

18:04 This is what I hate. To hear people say that, you make it out of a situation. But people still want to treat you like you were that situation you were. I like that song. Right? Yeah. I know you've experienced that a lot just because I know you. I know your story now. So for the fact of, right, what's one of the biggest things you feel why people can't forgive? What do you feel? Do you think it's because they've experienced the most hurt? Because I'm going to say it like this. No, but this is the thing, though.

18:45 Most majority people that judge you don't even know you, haven't even went through what it was you went through or whatnot. And this is the thing. The person that you get into it with or you had an issue with, y'all might have forgave each other behind closed doors. Y'all probably cool. You know what I'm saying? But the world is still mad at you. If the person, two people you had a problem with, you know what I'm saying? Y'all can fix it, why is the world mad at you and still holding this against you? Like Rihanna forgave Chris Brown, for example.

19:27 Everybody still bring that up about Chris Brown. Rihanna done moved on. Why are y'all still holding this on this man's head, man? Riri got a new boo and everything. And Chris did. She went on record and said they best friends. So why is the world still holding? So that's one thing I don't understand, bro. Everybody else that's not even in the business can be so in tune and so have an opinion about something that don't even concern them like that. They didn't go through personally. It tripped me up, man. It tripped me up, man. How many people are actually, who do we really feel?

20:12 And this is, if you hate somebody so bad, right? And this is, like you said, it's never the person that you hurt. It's always the person that's either their friend or somebody that knows them. Family member. Somebody around them, right? So in the case of, do you feel that this is, and this is moving beyond again, moving forward, not backwards, right? Do you feel that us as a podcast can talk about things like that?

20:56 We're gonna receive backlash for it because that's what people wanna do. But I'm used to it, though. My own personal life, that's what I face anyway. So do you think that, at least over the next, let's say five years, right? Do you think that people will ever, ever get to a point, and I'm talking about for us. Do you ever feel that the world will ever get to a point where at least 15% of those people that hate so much will understand due to either being age, they grow out of it, or do you feel a situation, a situation like a person will change their outlook?

21:39 Bro, see that? Yeah. I feel like we two black men, I hate to keep making this story, saying this, but we two black men, we don't really get acknowledged for nothing positive in the world. Like, that's history. Anytime we do something good, I say something good, that's the least thing they're gonna put out. They're always gonna put out the negative. They'll dig, you might be a perfect person, like you might, I'm not gonna say perfect, but you close to it. You might be this good family, good great family man, you know what I'm saying, respectful and everything.

22:23 They will go back to your past to just try to find the little slightest bad thing, and I never see nobody else go through this except the black men. Like, why can't we leave this earth with a clean image? It's like, they don't want us to have a clean image, and I'm just gonna be real with the people. Like, all black men have to leave with some kind of tarnish on their name or something like that. Why we can't be like the white men, you know what I'm saying, and have a lot of good things said about us when we leave. Why y'all wanna bring up the negative about us? Why not bring up the good fathers, the hard workers, we get up and do what we gotta do, out here doing for the community?

23:05 Why they don't talk about this? So, the answer to your question, I don't see it happening. I don't see it happening, because we're two black men, and we don't get acknowledged, and we don't get respected like that anyway. They're gonna always look at the bad, I think, in any situation. Like, when it's supposed to be celebrated, they're gonna rain on the parade, I feel. That's why I don't get my hopes up. It's hard to, I just pray about it, and hope the world receive it for how they receive it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, this is one thing I'm thinking about now, bro. The more people hate, they waste time.

23:48 Waste a lot of time, due to the energy that you put in. Let's just say this, even if they don't wanna talk to you for the rest of their life, right? A person all they gotta do is say, look, I don't like what you did, but I can never forget it. I'd rather somebody say that, than to sit up there and just throw hate for the rest of they day at me. I know right? Like, what's wrong with communication, bro? I'd rather you just say you don't like me. I'd rather you say you hate me. But why you think people don't have the courage to say that, and they just rather sit here and sneak this, and play games on the line? And you know what I think it is? I think it's a thing of, one, they wanna hold something against you.

24:32 That's the only way they feel like they can get to you. Like they can eat your conscience? Yeah. Just eat at you, just to have something. Cause a real winner's gonna eat at their conscience, like me. Yeah, my thing is this, why not I just say it? Just say it. I like honesty. Yeah, why not I just say it and get it out of the way, so we don't have to get here and go, we don't have to go back and forth over it. We can already have this out of the way. Look, I hate you, you hate me. Boom. But check this out though. See how fast that was. But check this out though, this is a repeated cycle though, because you so, when you hate something so bad or somebody, how can you move forward? We talking about, we talking about years from now. How can you live your future if you so stuck on the past or this person?

25:17 This person has so much control, so now you're bringing this emotion, this hate into your new relationship, and then it's gonna be a repeated cycle. Now you done did the same thing to this dude. You looking at him like he the old dude. Now you keep going from dude to dude, and that's all I see out here now, it's a repeated cycle of chaos, bro. Because people mad. Just because people mad, bro. They don't have no reason for they're mad. They just wanna be, again, that energy is easier to put out. Like somebody said, social media has made men and women seem as if they don't need each other, and they really do.

26:00 They do. They do. I'ma be honest, I'ma be honest, because the case of, the best support system comes from a woman to a man. The best support system for a woman comes from a man to a woman. Yeah. I don't wanna argue. I don't wanna argue. I'm not gonna sit up here and tear you along with that. It's the case, it's the truth. Let's stop this nonsense. Oh, men, most like, y'all just, all y'all lie. No. Every man don't lie. Your best friend lying right now to you, and she sleeping with your man, and you talking about all men lie.

26:48 That's not saying that's a true story, but I gave you a scenario of what could be going on, but again, all men lie. You know what I do, man? Now, I just, I play dumb. I play dumb with the crowd. I posted just today with Phelmon, I posted some pictures of Sexy Red earlier, because I know that's what the world loves. I heard somebody say she's the next Michael Jackson. So I was like, you know, I play dumb. I'm like, this is what y'all really pushing. This is the agenda y'all pushing. Because it ain't, but it ain't for me to judge, but I look at here, this is what we embrace now. We rather embrace single homes, single parents, all the stuff she represent.

27:32 Like, I mean, go back and look at her, like, you know, non-safe sex, she don't believe in condoms, and like, is that the message we wanna push to the generation? Like, we, like, somebody like me and you, we listen to what these people say. The words that come out your mouth. We gonna hold you accountable for it. You talking about you the queen of raw dog? Like, what example is that? I don't want my daughter to hear nothing like that. You know what I'm saying? I be like that. If you want your daughter to be like that, if you're watching this, are you cool with your daughter being like that? What, getting on camera, because y'all be at the concerts, ski, and all that, like, the parents.

28:14 Are y'all cool with that? Or is it just, nah, it's just entertainment. It's just, it's whatever. Ski, yeah. So is it serious? Like, I mean, so we, hold everybody accountable how you hold, like we say, y'all hold black men, y'all hold me accountable for everything. Even if it was years ago, y'all hold Chris Brown accountable for what he done. You know what I'm saying? All these black men. So, hold everybody accountable, man. Let's present this. I wanna present y'all with something, man. Y'all tell me this. How crazy would we be as a world to finally take a chance at forgiving?

28:54 Like, literal forgiveness. Like, what is the actual, let me give y'all what forgiveness means. So I ain't sitting up here just, okay, forgiveness. The act, no, the action or process of forgiving or being forgiven. Let's see if they got any more of any add-ons to go along with that. Okay, here we go. She is quick to ask for forgiveness when she has overstepped the line. That's the definition. I mean, that's the- Read that again. She is quick to self-forgiveness when she has overstepped the line. She is quick to ask forgiveness when she has overstepped the line.

29:36 The action or process of forgiving or being forgiven is the definition of forgiveness. So, with that said, in the case of, and it ain't even just for just men, women, period. Period. I mean, it could be something a kid needs to forgive their parent. It could be a parent needs to forgive their child. It could be a preacher needs to forgive his congregation. The congregation needs to forgive a preacher. Whatever it may be, it could be anything. A person I don't even know you need to forgive. Yeah. Or a person they mad at. Whatever is in your head. Give up it, he's what you mad at for no reason. Just forget it, man. Y'all gotta start walking around with that hate, man.

30:17 That hate in your heart. Y'all wasting so much time. Stop wasting time. Go be about your business. It's time, y'all. Stop being so mad. Forgive people. I'm learning. I had to learn to forgive people. I just turned 40 like a couple months ago, and now I'm looking at things with people. I see I've had, it's some stuff I've been carrying around about some folk, man, for too long. And I'm noticing at how quick my forgiveness situation is now. I can forgive you and still be, it's not saying I'm in a bad place with you. I can still be in a position where I didn't like what you did, but I still can forgive you for it.

30:59 This is the crazy thing, though. I can put it on Facebook right now. So all my people that dislike me, why do you dislike me? And I won't get no responses. But you dislike me, though. You hate me. It makes no sense to me. It makes me be realistic. It's just hate, and that's scary. You know what I'm saying? Like, I just don't like you. And that's scary, man. You can't even name one reason why you dislike me. Like, man, I'm thinking about doing that, putting all the people that have a problem with me, why is the reason you dislike me? Like, what is it? You know what I'm saying? Like, just tell me. If you can't tell me one thing, then I'm just assuming you hating then.

31:42 Like, you just hating. Maybe because of what? Like, the success. Like, I don't know. I'm trying, I'm brother trying, you know? And I think, too, you know, and in closing, a lot of us can learn from each other. It's just, what are you willing, what's the sacrifices you willing to shoot for or go for or go around to make yourself be better? Again, we're about healing, we're about self-motivation, we're about self-preservation. Only way you can do that, you gotta stop letting that little stuff bother you. Don't be the hater and stop worrying about the haters. Stop worrying about the people that's mad at you. Don't be the person that's mad at somebody.

32:24 Learn to forgive and forget. Now, with that being said, Thanksgiving is around the corner. Thanksgiving giveaway, we want you all to be a part of it as much as you can. If you all can help, be a help. A, Not Just Music Podcast is the website. Go to our menu tab on the website. Go down and donate. Put in your info or go to PayPal, put in your info. If you already have a PayPal account, good. If not, just add your info and it will populate to us. We are looking forward to doing big things with it. And again, I am Dwarne Moreno from Not Just Music Podcast. Quincey Murdock in the building as always.

33:05 We'll see y'all next time.