Black History and Current of Father's - Episode 92

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What's going on it's your boy Duane Burino from Notch's Music Podcast. Thank

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you for joining us another week. Let's go. What's going on everybody it's your

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boy Duane Burino from Notch's Music Podcast. Got Quincy Murdock in the

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building as always. Hopefully you get people are doing well. But first off

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what's up with you bro? How's everything? Everything is everything.

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Back. Blessings. Blessings to you brother. Anything new? Anything going down? Wanna announce?

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Quincy Murdock the movie man. People ain't seen it. Y'all check it out. Get more into

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the filming industry. I'm looking for actors. Not just necessarily just for one

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venture. Just many ventures that we plan on doing. Just film, filming, content

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regardless. Even just not just music podcast. Some of the ideas we had we

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need actors. We need you know what I'm saying people that's doing amazing

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things. Any gift you have we looking for you. You know me personally the wine. Not

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just music podcast as a whole. Brain get you know what I'm saying. Just wanna throw

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that in there. If you have anything and if you know of anybody. If you have great

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aunt, great great uncle, daddy, granddaddy, mama that's still alive that

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understands history. That knows something that's very pinnacle that went on in time

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and of the past. Please please please please please please pass it on. Not for

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the case of saying we're just trying to spotlight but for the most points that

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as I've been saying educate educate educate. That's what we need. We need education.

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I think we've made a valid point of that man. We ain't here for the club. We here

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it's just been me and you pushing this. Giving them the knowledge and trying to

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give them educate. So I think we made a clear statement on that man. That's never

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for cloud. Just because we generally love to do and care about what we're talking

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about and topic. So most of our people that we are connecting with now are of a

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very very very very big black influence to an area. As far as what I want to be

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very direct about in this episode is the black father more than anything. As

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history would say the black father is going downhill mainly due to the sake of

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maybe lack of father maybe lack of parenting maybe lack of education maybe

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there are many things that could follow to considerably mess up and derail the

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black father. They're different educational values within this all though.

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Every person has something different in them considerably that can considerably

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boost them into saying or boost them to the next level of being a great father.

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One reason one of those options being listening. One thing we fail it especially

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coming along in history in time we do not listen to good valuable help. Mama told

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you don't do it mama told you. It could come down to the it could come down to

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the smallest thing to you think about it and it's not even it's not even you're

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absolutely right and jokingly it's okay. It's sad you think about it.

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There's pinnacle moments in time where somebody a parent told you not to do

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something. Put your arm on that stove you don't get burnt and you take take a

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grown-up now a days again that comes from a child adolescent into being a

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grown-up you still do share some of those like qualities that being hard hit

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because it's hard to change when once they get older once you get older it's

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hard to you're stuck and again it's almost it's almost like a addiction to

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something they're addicted to whatever that they was that was or that was going

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on and that's deadly now keep doing it like you say now you bring a father into

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this situation right now it kills me every time with fathers nowadays you know

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I'm gonna be nice but I'm gonna be direct be direct now if you feel that

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fatherhood was supposed to be easy you have another thing come it was never

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supposed to be easy motherhood is not easy parenting is not easy so Q said I

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Q I said one Q said one then I brought it in together for the last one

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parenting is not easy so look at what we do is black people and then I take I'm

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going on this line because the case of how the black community and blacks looked

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into making sure and I'm speaking from the father role the fathers were very

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pinnacle to a lot of families in these slave and maybe considered before the

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slave era too but during the slave era it really became a big thing for a to be

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a black man and also to be a black father you think about it right

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think about teaching your son in that era versus now right what do you feel the

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moral or the morality of that time was versus so let's not yeah good I'm

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gonna say that I think also the the respect the black man has for his

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mother which majority black men is black woman is how he's gonna treat his kids I

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think into the end of the day what I think is a lot of black men have hate

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towards the black woman now that they take it out on the kids you know and

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history has hurt that I think you know and we got to be accountable too but I

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think you know the togetherness is not as strong as it was back then on the

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correction like we talked about in previous episodes people scared to

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correct bad behavior or if he's a bad father they don't want to correct it and

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once you don't correct it and you let them be in a ways it's toxic ain't

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nothing you can do about it is because it's saying with a woman like you know

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if you don't correct people if you don't correct their behavior they're just

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gonna feel like they're right they're not doing nothing wrong you know I'm

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saying and at the end of the day without correction nothing is solved nothing

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is fixed no progress is made that's why I feel as you just said progress what do

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you feel could help progress and I'm not even saying this is saying this is cute

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it is not saying a right or wrong thing this is for like saying the the things

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that you the qualities that you teach your son right you want me to tell you I

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think we need to communicate better I think we need to communicate better we

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need to start getting at the tables again and and okay this is what hurt me

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this is what I don't like that you do and then everybody speak their mind

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like the old modern times we see that the table like I remember a soulful he

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said you know it was it was more than just coming to Big Mama house and eating

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we got to sit at the table and communicate and share our stories and

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just talk about life and you know and unite and that's what I think is missing

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now is we don't want to hear each other out you know we so quick to feel like

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we're the victim or we're being victimized and we don't want to see the

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other person side and might what we might be doing wrong so I think we need

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to communicate better you know I'm saying and show weakness when it's when

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it's needed me and say sorry yeah when it's needed yeah you know I'm saying on

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both ends and that will heal a lot of generational curses generational things

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or heat that people have towards people like it would help and most likely and

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most definitely it would help the kids because kids feed off this energy kids

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feed off everything so kids sense when something ain't right so kids sense when

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things are right everything is good so communication

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bro communication is definitely my main one and I speak on that because I see

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how communication messed up the whole lifestyle of the black man once the

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black man black male black males became in a position I don't know how it got to

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the position where we felt as if and we shouldn't be able to communicate or be

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able to talk or to be able to express right I hate the feeling or even the

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thought of making a man or woman pated to feel as if and they should have a

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space to be able to say anything and it pushes the black man more away in the

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sense because the black man I ended up just shutting down and that's the

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crazy that's the part I hate you see even just riding around you ride through

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these you know these poverty-stricken areas areas you see a lot of black

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people I'll most of them most are black males are heavy and in sense and we got

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to get on our game because like this is how this is like we talk about the system

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and stuff like that see this is what you got you got the black woman you know

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when she needs help who did she run to most times she runs to the government

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sometimes she runs to the white man she she has a place you know she's doing

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most most parents women are doing what benefits their kids and putting them in

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the right position and then you have some that abuse the system but as you told

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me and some people they use it the right way so then what the man will do is he

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sees that as an opportunity instead of getting his own he wants to go and live

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and shack up with this woman and a house that she ain't even worked for that the

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government gave her so with like from the top to the bottom it's not teaching

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value it's not teaching anything it's not teaching no

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independence you know I'm saying I know lesson in between that so like all this

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goes together into like the man black man's behavior I feel all this trickles

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all these things matter and that's why I want to bring them out and talk about

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them because everything takes a part in why a man feels the way he feels and

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does the things he does you know I'm saying I'm I'm disturbed at a lot of the

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stuff that some people feel is if in like oh this is the right thing to do as a

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as a human being period and the best thing to do is I'm gonna just not tell

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anybody what I'm going through I hate that I seen some rappers be like I don't

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need rehab do I don't need rehab you know I'm saying I ain't thought about it

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man like bro you know you hurt man so how you cope with it you know I'm saying

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like you know smoking weed and drinking ain't coping with it ain't fixing

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fix that you know I'm saying like me going for women or women my past story

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I'm gonna talk about somebody talk about me going to women and women wasn't

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fixing my unhappiness you know I'm saying trying to find love in women like

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like that that wasn't fixing anything I had to come to conclusions and face my

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battles you know I'm saying head-on so it's about accepting and being

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accountable you know for what's not making you figure out what's not making

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you happy or what's not making you be the best man a person or fighter you can

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be and then it all a click it'll work I think I think one thing this is one

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thing too for me and this is as a as a black father to and even going is in

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history looking back in history on things like each situation is different

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each situation is different so with that that's the first thing I'm gonna look

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at but the main source to all of it is a stable mind if your mind isn't stable

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as a as a black man and especially as a black father right and happy father's

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day to all that are paying attention let me say that because this is the

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father's day slightly it's for father's day special but of course I'm

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speaking on history and things of that nature along with it correct but it's a

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lot of it's a lot of the black fathers that end up in these positions because

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the case of they just there won't break that cycle of communication because

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sometimes the easiest thing to say is I messed up or I did wrong or you know it's

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hard for it's hard for the black men to actually say that and it be genuinely

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meant as goodwill right but those that do speak on it communicated

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apologize and go about trying to do better those are the ones you can you

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can tell you definitely can tell when it's when his effort being put out in

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energy that's being put out that not only you the father can understand but

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the child can understand it me as a father I have twin girls that are who

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have autism or those want to consider it on the spectrum but can considerably it

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is autism a lot of parents in my area of being a father I'm speaking my area

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meaning of those who are you know rockin yeah yeah in my area you rarely see

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black fathers who are quote-unquote there active in active in their children's

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lives not even just not even just saying just children or not me not even

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just speaking of kids that have special needs or autism or anything that falls

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along the disability lines right period right now one thing that I've noticed is

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in my position of being a father is one of the biggest barriers to break with

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kids who are on the spectrum is talking the English language you know my daughter

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my oldest daughter my oldest child period my oldest child she hasn't spoken

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the word in about to be 15 years this year for only thing that she's ever done

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is communicated openly in the nature of via hand gestures and sound and that

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helps show a sense of it recognizes and it raised everything when it came to me

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and when it came to being aware so with that it taught me me period first off as

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a father I need to do more to communicate as a man period meaning if she can

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express and that's God testing that's God I think everything happens for a

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reason to like that's God testing you and made you into a better man and it taught

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me it taught me you know I'm saying you had to be you had to be more hands-on so

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it demanded your attention you know I'm saying so things that we don't look at

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we look at is you know something is there to hurt us it helped us and it's a

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blessing behind it I look at those and I looked at those times and thought about

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those people back in those times where you know you have a kid that's openly

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trying to understand life right trying to understand what's the next move where

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to go to next you know those parents that I feel now are are in a bad position

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they feel as if and they can't tell tell their child anything or express anything

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to their child right the only reason I feel that way is because they feel ashamed

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we go back to talking about being ashamed now if anybody says that to their

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selves you are already putting yourself in a bad you starting off in the wrong

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position you have to communicate with yourself in a very positive way firstly

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I looked at a lot of those a lot of these old videos and you know of these of

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these people of the past and you know going back to the 1800s and stuff like

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that in the early 1900s these people would be out in the fields and cotton

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fields and stuff like that they'd be working all day long but one thing that

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they wouldn't change is their mentality and their head space that they were in

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they always kept a positive mindset and they always show their children the

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correct mindset to have when it came to growth that's like my grandpa bro you

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explain my grandpa man I hate to put my grandfather but he's a father you know

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I'm saying but was he the best husband probably not but one thing I can't say

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he took care of them girls he took care of my mom he took care of my you know

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I'm saying he works so don't matter and that's what I'm trying to get into this

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black you know generation of fathers like it don't matter what you got going on

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outside it don't matter if you out here screwing Sue and Sally and and this and

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that it don't matter if you smoking choking don't ask you drinking whatever

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have you only your life but always be there for them babies that's what my

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grandpa always did he was always there and that's what kids remember don't

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never miss no graduation don't never miss no event don't never miss no don't

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matter if even if you and the child mother ain't getting the loan she can't

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stand you don't never I just attended my daughter's dance recital and it made me

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so happy like you know and to see her first one like you know just just being

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there so I wouldn't miss those things in the world so that's how I take you that's

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how I feel as a father even though her whole family was there and I was like you

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know people like what you gonna do with they all come I'm there to see my daughter

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man you know I'm saying so that's the thing never get distracted off being

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dead finding no saying mm-hmm that's the part of them I'm concerned too far as

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like when it comes to moving forward into the next phase of life like just as

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if in I said these men had to go deal with cotton fields and beyond cotton

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fields all day long and still found some right still found time to be a father

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like this ain't even working nowadays I got all the time in the world and can't

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even be a father for five minutes bro 30 so ain't working you ain't doing

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nothing you ain't you you don't even got a you know spend time with them in the

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house you live in the same house that the mama is staying in eating the baby

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snacks now that can't even raise kids and every time I'm definitely be changed

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you looking for the mama to change and then that comes along with great it

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comes with baby and not correct and like I said before we have baby the black

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man was great understanding that was not educated the correct way right and

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that's the parts again where we're still trying to get us black people the black

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community needs to absorb some good energy for these black fathers to live

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by and live off of good I won't say this too don't look at what the black woman

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is doing wrong also don't look at what the black woman is doing wrong just

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fix what you can fix in you mm-hmm just cuz she's a bad mother my mama always

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tell me this just because she's a bad mother she does this or she do that

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don't mean you have to do that question exactly just cuz she feel that certain

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way don't mean you have to feel that certain way that should not stop you

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from seeing your kids Quincy that should not stop you from being a father

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Quincy me and your daddy didn't get along but did it stop me from being a

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mama that's what my mama she give me that lecture so you look at it that way

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it's some women is in the same position as you you know I'm saying some black

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man out there the father was trifling you know left the kid with the mom then you

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know I'm saying so don't play victim correct what you can correct within you

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that go for women don't play victim don't worry about what the man doing if

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you see a father not still stand on your business and that's why a lot of them do

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you know they still stand on that business and they gonna raise them

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babies that's how the mentality got to be with the fathers too and this is

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another thing to to add to that be again be your best stop giving your half

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stop giving that quarter stop giving that 10 give your all to being a father

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that's simply what I'm trying to say you know nobody nobody is gonna be perfect

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but if nothing else you go out fighting for your child as hard as you can to make

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sure that they are growing and being educated in the correct manner that is

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very important stop looking at your past stop looking at everybody's past you

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might need that same child in the future thank you take care and you know nothing

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once you overlook and didn't think nothing of you might need them you know

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to wipe your behind one day you can't move that's the part what I feel a lot

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of parents don't realize sometimes it may not even be the case of that your

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child me might even have to swing back around and help you but just to have

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that child in the mentality of their mama or my daddy was there right but

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more so for us black fathers and the father is there my conscious eats me

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not a thing of your in your kids like I can't show up I can't show up to a

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special event and I know I wasn't even there to see the practices of the

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process yeah that's like what life like if I wasn't there at them stages them

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ages or what not and I missed it why should I come I might as well not even

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come when she went when she had he doing big you know saying like how what was

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that movie with the basketball player when the dad got drafted yeah I can't

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know what ain't no way for brother this dude he was living in the projects his

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mama was Angela Bassett yeah I'm tired people yeah okay mama living in the

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projects and he balling with a dream and then you gonna show up at his draft day

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you would never there you never even a dream or nothing I can't be one of them

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fathers man my conscious will allow me to do that just because I just stay a

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child does not mean that you're or going to be respected as a father right what

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makes you respected as a father Q said it about two times in this whole

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podcast your time right where you at what you putting your time into I don't

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care what you what you got going on if you ain't putting no time into going to

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make make it to your children's okay if you living in the household with them

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tonight at least call them every day make it your make it your face your business

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I'll be in your kids live it's no excuse like even it take one day out the week if

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you can take a just stop being so selfish to something so they see you right

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seriously go pick them up school at least two or three times a week

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tell you tell you baby mom or your wife look let me go pick them up me I'm type

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father pick up my kids every day I've been picking up taking my kids and picking

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my kids see you look sorry man tell it cuz we don't have the good and this is

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the other have good so I don't throw them up so if the case of I go I take my

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kids to school and picking my kids up from school every single day I've been

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doing that since they were bait was since as long as they've been going to

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school correct the reason being is because I put it in myself that I was not

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going to allow anybody to to anybody to ever dictate to me about the case of

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being in my kids life and you still feel like it's your duty to still be an active

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father that says a lot you know cuz you have some fathers is not in their

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child's life or baby mama's life or woman's life and feel like I don't want

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to be in the kids life what would you say about that for some is is the case of

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it's not the case of that you look at your fatherhood as you being a father

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right don't allow what the mom your wife your spouse your girlfriend your baby

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mama don't allow her yet don't allow her to make your decision for you or put

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you in your child's life you put yourself in your child's life that's your

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obligation to yourself firstly to me I'm gonna say that you should be your

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first main obligation is your are your kids doing good do your kids see you not

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did not I sent man I'm a nation my child's pool of pay forget that did you

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go see your child cuz guess what you talking to me you let the child listen

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I'm gonna be on it bro could listen cuz when I first became a father and my

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younger stages and I was put on child support or what night I used to have

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that my sit I like I paid my you got the courts involved I paid my share so why

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you can't ask me for more mm-hmm but then I had thing about it if I call my

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mom right now and she asked me for something personally she'll give it to

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I asked her she would give it to me and I'm 32 years old so I had to stop

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thinking of it is like I'm helping her and I'm helping my kids you know I'm

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saying I'm not I'm there to help my kids you give what I'm saying and it's

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trying to stop trying to make it personal with her you know and that's and

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I know a lot of the fathers that's what stopping them from doing for their kids

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cuz I want I want to put that out there cuz you're you're taking it personal

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with the mother and you thinking you know you're hurting a mother by not

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giving her this or that but you're actually hurting your child your kids so

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that you got a dip you know separate those thank you cuz I cuz they you

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speaking for a person that went through that and I feel like it's important for

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me to tell that side of me to help somebody else out there that's good

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that's the topic is the topic of this whole situation is the communication

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right you're communicating that's the only way people are gonna understand it

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if they hear it right right that's communication and that's the part where

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I say it like you just basically saying you said it first black men fail at the

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part where when we're a father the communication of a father is very

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important to that child right so I don't care again what mama says be in the

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child's life if you're at a point where you're struggling to get in your child's

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life do what you gotta do to get in your child's life I don't care if they are

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12 13 14 get in their lives make a mark make a mark make a mark make a mark if

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you don't make a mark is gonna leave you in a position like okay well leave the

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child in a position like okay well I am I did it so I can I say that I'm

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my edit and I do want to put this in there women allow that man to be a father

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to his children because I personally know I personally know women that have

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key I and this is personal I know a woman that had a kid with a guy and one of

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the other guy that she's with to be the father and she will brainwash this kid

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and tell this kid that this is the father knowing that's not the blood father

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that this is the other and the father's mom has attempted to give talk to the

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kid and she and she'll be like wishing to tell him to come back over here don't

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talk to your grandma you have women like that too you have women like that too

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that will brainwash a kid and that like I'm like man that's it is ugly to it's

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deep that's a new child that's ugly that you would do a child it's deep that

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now again now fathers let me make sense of that yeah make sense of that part you

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00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:28,240
can counteract that part of what's going on even if you are in a position where a

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woman is putting you in a position to make you seem as if in like well I don't

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want my child to have nothing to do with you there is a way to go about that if

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you choose to go about it the correct way the correct way to go about it is the

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system make sure that you stay in the case of I know you don't want to deal

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with the system but if you want something to do with your child as I said be a

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part of your child's life do what you have to do to be a part of the child's

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life but my thing is I just want to get to a point where we ain't got to get that

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ugly mm-hmm I pray for that peace I pray where we could just get along and just

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cope here peace and tranquility yeah yeah I don't like getting the people

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00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:10,920
involved these kids you know I'm saying these kids deserve the best and I feel

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that if again if a father can start from an early age please start from an early

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age and make a mark on your child's life to wear your child is basically talking

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about you in a good manner to wear a mama don't got to worry about nothing

339
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right that's all it really comes down to don't make mama worry about nothing

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right then don't let the child ever worry about anything you know take it take

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as much advantage advantage of the things that the child needs not what the

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child wants what the child needs not what he wants but again we be at it we

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be doing it we be done again another episode on let me shout out my father

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my dad pops on Theron Barino aka Chino I appreciate you sir I appreciate what

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00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:05,640
you've brought to the table as a father and what you continue to steal brand to

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the table as a father it still continues to teach a 40 year old man how to do

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things and to be a great communicator it's taught me so much so I appreciate

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00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:22,680
you for for always looking out and again I appreciate all the fathers that are

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out there period I want to appreciate my grandpa for being that father figure in

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my role and the reason why I say that is when nobody wanted to step up as a man

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to be my father you stepped in that role so Larry Nelson Murdoch I love you you

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know and even though we're not perfect you were there you know I'm saying you

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showed that you care and you played a role that my own blood father didn't want

354
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to play so I give kudos to you and people that in the same shoes or

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not if you had that father fit maybe you didn't have your biological father but

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if you had that man that stepped in and took it upon his duty to be that father

357
00:32:00,840 --> 00:32:05,560
show him love today call him and wish him a happy father's day just like you

358
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wish your biological father because blood don't make your father your actions

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do and again if there's a child that needs me father and is not in the

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position to have a father black men please be mindful to look out for each

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child out here each child needs help if you see a part where help is needed

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please grant that help and make the best of it because every child deserves a

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winning father figure right so again we are not just music podcast make sure

364
00:32:41,160 --> 00:32:45,840
y'all like in with us subscribe email of course like in with our emails because

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00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:49,320
in case of you don't want to miss anything you definitely want to be there

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00:32:49,320 --> 00:32:54,960
again we shout out to all the fathers we appreciate y'all for being who you are

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and what you're doing and the great bounds that are being displayed we

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appreciate it and again one last thing to black history this is again a thing

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that we want to push for our black people in a whole as a whole but at the

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same time black fathers remember there's a lot of history to look at when it came

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to being a black man and a black father please be open to looking great as a

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yeah please be open to looking for things that could inspire you to get

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there of course we didn't get to get there all the way this this episode but

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again I wanted to push more so the sake of communication and understanding what

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father should be doing to make theirself better fathers again Duvall

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Barino Quincy Murdoch in the building as always and we are out what's happening

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was having this boy Quincy Murdoch courtesy a not just music podcast we

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want to greatly greatly greatly thank you for tuning in to another episode y'all be

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blessed